Probably Wouldn't
by Madison Darkblade
Summary: malemale.Someone is mourning the loss of his loved one.Song fic
1. Chapter 1 probalby wouldn't

A/N- This is my first song fic and I hope you like it. I just couldn't get the idea out of my head. Please review and telling me how I did.

Don't own Fruits Basket or Probably Wouldn't Be this Way by Leann Rimes

_Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son  
Everybody says he's crazy; I'll have to see  
_

His eyes fill up once again as he studies his wardrobe wondering what to wear. The familiar scent still lingers tormenting his aching heart. It had been two years since the day his life had been destroyed. In a week he has his first date and his heart pounds with fright.

I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came  
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves  
I'm probably going on and on  
It seems I'm doing more of that these days

Despite the fact he had moved to the city during the hottest time of the year, he can still find himself at his lover's old home night after night. He finds himself missing the hyper active rabbit's hellos every time he came over to rake during the fall. He use to pay Momiji to do it so that the kid he once called annoying would visit him and his lover more often. Almost everyone watches him as he talks to empty shadows and even he has to wonder if he's losing his sanity as he fingers the crisp shirt.

I probably wouldn't be this way  
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad  
I never pictured every minute without you in it  
Oh, you left so fast  
Sometimes I see you standing there  
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch  
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much  
God gave me a moment's grace  
'Cause if I never see your face  
I probably wouldn't be this way

Carefully he hugs the jacket smelling heavily of tobacco close to him. It's almost as if the sleeves were filled with invisible arms and holding him tightly. At times he'd be walking down the street and burst into tears thinking he saw his beloved. He wonders if he'd still be the loud, brash teen he once had been if he had never seen that special, soft smile.

Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you  
Susan says that I should just move on  
You ought to see the way these people look at me  
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone  
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind  
But I just take it day by day

His eyes wander over the tombstone as he tells his beloved about his day. His fingers caress the smooth, cold stone willing it to become flesh. He hears them approaching like they do everyday. Yuki just watches him in his own sad way without pitying him. Barely making a sound he falls into Shigure's arms and the dog whispers that it's not healthy to talk to the grave of their friend. He wants to scream that the man wasn't just his friend, but his lover. Everyone already knows that, though. Tohru reassures him by laying a hand on his shoulder while telling him that he needs to let the man go and find someone to care for, that it would make his lover happy. Every day it's the same, but he refuses to look into the future any more. He sobs against the man's chest knowing that behind his smile he thinks he's just as insane as the Head. He almost wishes he could just die, but he promised his loved one that he would never kill himself.

I probably wouldn't be this way  
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad  
I never pictured every minute without you in it  
Oh, you left so fast  
Sometimes I see you standing there  
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch  
Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much  
God gave me a moment's grace  
'Cause if I never see your face  
I probably wouldn't be this way  
I probably wouldn't be this way

They sit down for dinner and his eyes pass over the empty spot where the man sat before. Shigure had insisted on Tohru making him a decent meal so here he is sitting next to the rat with the dog at the head and Tohru opposite the writer. He can close his eyes and feel angel's wings wrap around him. He hates himself for being to weak to save the one he loved. Loathing the man who hurt him more for the fact that he killed his lover than his own injuries. He recalls waiting up all night at Shigure's for the man to come then receiving news that Akito had gone to far this time. His own wounds only throbbed more at the sound of the Head's name. It wasn't until he placed the first heap of dirt of the casket did he realize the truth.

Got a Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son  
Everybody says I'm crazy  
Guess I'll have to see

He lies on their bed gazing at the clock as it slowly turns to midnight. His crimson's light up as the man slides in beside him and even though he knows it's his imagination that the man's there and solid he falls into his arms. He remembers his first time with the strong man and how gentle he had been. "I love you," the man whispered holding him tightly as he recovered from the pleasure and he clung to his lover silently telling him the same. "I love you Hatori," he says softly as one tear rolls down his cheek and he blinks to clear his vision only to find Yuki staring down at him understanding in his eyes. He glances at the outfit he had picked out for his date with the rat next week. It's the same red t-shirt and tan cargos he wore for his last date with the doctor.


	2. Chapter 2 more than a memory

A/N-Still don't own Fruits Basket or Garth Brook's song. Heard the song, couldn't get the idea out of my head and decided to turn this into a longer fic and not a one shot.

Chapter 2

**More Than A Memory**

_**People say she's only in my head  
It's Gonna take time but I'll forget  
They Say I need to get on with my life  
They don't realize**_

Kyo returns from his date with Yuki feeling worse than he had before. Longingly he stares at the doctor's clothes which he still has yet to pack away. The others tell him things will get better with the passage of time, that each day that sweeps by will become easier on him. Haru claims that eventually he'll forget the pain, the empty feeling that makes him feel so lost inside. _What does he know? _Struggling to be cheerful, hurting from losing one of his best friends is Shigure trying to help him as they share the same grief. The dog had been the one to encourage the date with the rat. The whole time, though, he felt like he was betraying Hatori. As if the man was still here. He swears he feels his presence but no one else understands. Tearing off his outfit, he fights back the tears of frustration, hurt, and loneliness. Unconsciously he lifts up the house phone.

_**Is when you're dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone  
Driving across town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
Just to hear him say its gonna be alright  
When you're finding things to do not fall asleep  
Cause Know she will be there in your dreams  
That's when she's more than a memory**_

Dialing the familiar numbers only to realize nearly too late what he's doing, Kyo tosses the phone aside. The constant beeping nearly drives him mad. How many times had he ran to the hospital where Hatori was allowed to help out just to be forced to confront the sad faces and empty office? How often had he rushed home only to discover a cold, empty house?

Haru's number which is almost as familiar as Hatori's pops in his mind. _Please, pick up._ Faithful ox answers by the third ring. "Kyo? Do you need me to come over?" "God, I miss him. He's all around me, I can't do this anymore." "Kyo, it'll be alright, promise. Try to sleep, or at least relax for a while. You don't sleep enough anymore." "Can't sleep, Haru. If I sleep, then I dream and he's always there." Haru's silence allows him to vividly recall how those dreams torture his heart.

"It's just your memories playing tricks on you. Maybe you should move back into Shigure's house. It's not like you actually use your own apartment, and it's only til you adjust better." "Can't." Can't bear to face the dog's pained coated eyes, to see the flashes of pity. "Kyo, you must let go." _No can do, Haru. To you, he may be just a memory. But to me, he's so much more._

_**Took a match to everything she ever wrote  
Watched her words go up in smoke  
Tore all her pictures off the wall  
That ain't helping me at all**_

Sitting back against the headboard, Kyo stares at the framed photo of Hatori. For once a smile graces the doctor's face. The dragon had given it to him after their first fight.

Something silly had triggered his short temper, and he had shredded every letter the man had written him before tossing the fragments into the fireplace. Smoke had curled around the edges as he pounded his fist against his thighs. Broken glass lay around his shaking form from his fist swiping every picture off the nightstand. Seeing the man's face in those photos didn't calm him, nor did breaking the glass shielding them. Hatori had come home with Haru on his heels, mumbling something about always having to search for the lost ox. While Haru cleaned the mess, Hatori brought him outside and handed him a present wrapped in green wrapping paper. Inside was the photo.

He wishes he could take it all back, every argument and every item he had taken a match to. He'd give anything to have those letters back.

_**Cause when you're talking out loud but nobody's there  
You look like hell and you just don't care  
Drinking more than you ever drank  
Sinking down lower than you ever sank  
When you find yourself falling down upon your knees  
Praying to god, begging him "please"  
that's when she's more than a memory**_

She's more  
She's more

Muttering to himself, Kyo searches the shadows for some invisible presence. His bathrobe looks like it hasn't been washed and is a size or two too big, but he refuses to clean it and break his last tie to Hatori. It still smells faintly of the man. They had cuddled together with Hatori wearing this very bathrobe the night he was murdered. Sometimes, like tonight, the scent is stronger as if the dragon has recently visited.

Just last week, Momiji had told him that he looked like death warmed over. They all think it, but only the bunny admits it. He just can't bring himself to care that he's too thin, that shadows have taken to constantly hover under his eyes, and that slowly he's losing his healthy color.

Silently he downs drink after drink, not caring about the label upon the bottle. Not that it matters since he no longer has the ability to distinguish one alcohol from another. He only loves the numb feeling, this weird floating sensation. One more swallow and he swears Hatori's preaching about ingesting too much booze at one time and the consequences. "I'm going crazy," he whispers curious to know when Hatori will become just a beautiful memory. Until the day happens, he'll beg and plead for God to let Hatori return to him. _Please, just one day. I need him to know I love him, how sorry I am for every fight._

_**Cause when you're dialing her number just hang up the phone  
Driving across town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of night  
Just to hear him say it's gonna be alright  
When you're finding things to do not to fall asleep  
Cause you know she's waiting in your dreams  
That's when she's more than a memory**_

Sliding onto his knees to bury his head in the dragon's side of the bed, Kyo sobs blocking out all else but the memories. He stiffens as Haru hugs him, only knows it's the boy by the smell of leather and the coolness of metal against his cheek from earings. He tries but can not still the tears.

"I started to call his cell again. I wanted so bad for him to pick up. Haru, I still can't believe he's gone." Rocking back and forth, Haru brushes Kyo's hair with tender fingers. "I know, it's alright. Everything will be okay." Haru's grown accustomed to this, has been use to it since before Hatori passed away. Each dispute left Kyo a wreck, and without fail he would call. Every time, Haru answered. Not once has Haru mentioned the tears Kyo shed, not once has he betrayed their easy understanding. "You're my only true friend, Haru." "Not true. How'd the date go?" Pointless to as, but the ox does so anyways. "Disastrous." Haru nods, he had given up on Yuki about the time Hatori and Kyo had made it official. "Want to talk about it?" He knows the answer to be of the negative, but implores anyways. To Kyo this will always be Hatori's domain and to discuss the date would be disrespectful. He had already got the lowdown from Yuki anyways. Kyo had been nervous, and jumpy, and though still attractive a wreck. All in all, Yuki said he'd give it another go, but Kyo had to be ready this time and not do it to shut the dog up.

Also, Haru knows that kyo won't sleep unless he remains by his side when in one of these moods. Understands that as long as Kyo can smell him, he'll be anchored to this world and not feel Hatori's spirit near by.

_**People say she's only in my head  
It's Gonna take time but I'll forget**_

"I'll get over this. In time I wont suffocate from his smell, or crave his touch. One day, I'll be able to remember without breaking down. I'm scared to forget him, though." "Kyo, he's only a memory now. He's not here to judge. He'd want you to be happy." He's not sure if Hatori will ever stop being a constant in his life, but he'll try to get on with his life if only to take away the pity coloring Haru's eyes.


End file.
